“We remember their love when they can no longer remember.”

Alzheimer’s disease can cause stress for families. Work through conflicts together so that you can focus what’s important.

When a family member is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia, the effect on your entire family can be overwhelming. The diagnosis can trigger a range of emotions — including anger, fear, frustration and sadness. There also are many decisions to make about treatment, care, living arrangements, finances and end-of-life care. As a result, family conflicts are common.

Your family also has its own history of relationships, roles and challenges that can affect how individuals react to a diagnosis and how members see their roles in providing care and support. (Mayo Clinic, 2018)

For all family members, the most common feelings that families and caregivers experience due to having a family member diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease are guilt, grief and loss, and anger.

GUILT

For us humans, it is quite common to feel guilty, guilty for the way the person with dementia was treated in the past, guilty at feeling embarrassed by their different behavior, guilty for the loss of temper or to be guilty for not wanting the responsibility of taking good care for a person with dementia.

If the person with dementia goes into hospital or residential care you may feel guilty that you have not kept him at home for longer, even though you did everything that could be done. It is common to feel guilty about the promises that has been made in the past such as “I’ll always look after you,” when this cannot be met.

GRIEF AND LOSS

Grief is a response to loss. If someone close develops dementia, we are faced with the loss of the person we used to know and the loss of a relationship. People who care for their partners may experience grief at the loss of the plans they shared together for their future.

ANGER

It is natural to feel frustrated and angry at having to be a caregiver, angry with others who do not seem to be helping you out, angry at the person with dementia for his/her difficult behaviors and angry at support services.

Sometimes, you may even feel like shaking, pushing or hitting the person with dementia. Feelings of distress, frustration, guilt, exhaustion and annoyance are quite normal. Nevertheless, if you worry that you could lose control, it’s important to discuss and speak out about your feelings with someone such as your doctor.

Having much focus on the person who has dementia, the young family members don’t get the attention they need. Children often experience a wide range of emotions when a parent or grandparent has Alzheimer’s disease. Younger children may tend to fear that they will get the disease or that they did something to cause the disease. There should be a reassurance for the children that they cannot “catch” the disease from you. Be direct about the change of your personality and behavior in order for them to be oriented, informed about it. (Alzheimer Society,2017)